I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
jump out the window naked night went bad
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize