we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
