im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
