Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
