He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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