It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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