Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
