Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
