This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
