So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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