Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
