I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
