Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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