Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize