Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
