protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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