Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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