I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
