I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
