when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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