It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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