hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
