Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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