I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
