yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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