My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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