this is something i pride myself on being below average for
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
