it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
