He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
