I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
