Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
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