just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
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This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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