the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
your room smells of hookers.
And success
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
