what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
