he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
