You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize