Kiss
Puke
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
she told me i tasted like america
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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