life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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