Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
