Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize