I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
