I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
There was a lot of him and a little penis
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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