she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
