i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
and you fell through a lawn chair
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
