That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
