new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
