Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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