Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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