we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
whose ass print is on the piano?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
