OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
