I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Bring me that man meat
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
