maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I think my fart just growled at me.
if only i could text you this smell
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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