this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
