Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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