the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
