Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
