How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize