i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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