my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize