But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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