Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
is wine microwaveable?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
