ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
