R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
