I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
