so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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