woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
