So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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