sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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