this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
