I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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