I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
