I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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