So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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