Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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