so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
