And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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