drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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