Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
