Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
