So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
