Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Enjoy the penises
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize