Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
