i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
