Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize