hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
