i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
