she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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