My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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