did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
My penis needs a shock collar
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Randomize
