Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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