i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize