I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
