your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
