I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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