He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
