so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize