Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
