Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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