im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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