I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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