was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
