The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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