Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize